Oh, hello #DontSettleSummer

Welcome to the official kickoff of the #DontSettleSummer!

The vibe? Massive female empowerment, baby. 'Cause there's an epidemic in this world. Of women afraid to live their best lives. Yup. Instead of having the faith to believe there's something even more amazing on the horizon, too many girlfriends are willing to grab what's easy and in front of them, whether it be a man, job or a clearance handbag.

That my friend is called settling. 

And it needs to go the way of the mullet. File under extinct.

The #DontSettleSummer festivities are gonna pop off with a bang, way before any 4th of July fireworks, with exciting giveaways across the big three social media channels:  Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. Stick around if you:  

• Are a voracious reader of women's fiction, ya know, like my debut novel Settling Down.
• Like your stories to go down with humor, sharp wit and the undying expectation that you, as a smart chick, can be entertained without packing away your intelligence. 
• Enjoy cheering on other ladies on their life journeys, while internalizing their lessons to improve your own situation.
• Are committed to growing into your best person. And then growing some more. And then...you get the picture.
• Wanna stomp on stereotypes that there's a one-sized journey of life.
• Like free stuff, like beach bags, luggage tags, autographed vacation reads AND jewelry.

Settling is about giving up your power.

The #DontSettleSummer is about taking it back.

An Author Calls Bullsh** on Book Reviews

In the past three years I have:

• Wrote, proofed, designed, published and marketed a full length novel.
• Lost 40 pounds.
• Learned how to salsa well.
• And bachata barely.
• Finished 6 rounds of Brazil Butt Lift. (Yup. I'd pass the quarter test.)
• Completely changed my diet to include yummies like black bean brownies.
• Went to the Super Bowl. 
• Traveled to the Dominican Republic. 
• Survived a carbon monoxide scare. And all the firefighters that went along with it.
• Survived an attempted break-in. Three days in a row.
• Ran a successful eBay operation.
• Found a stylist who finally got my hair game In check. (I love him. And my hair.)
• Geared up to move to a new city, funded by the mad real estate desirability of our 'hood.
• Nurtured the hell out of my marriage, so my husband and I can slay as individuals. And more importantly, as a team.

And that my friend, is just the highlight reel.

Then what the hell is the problem?

Two words:  Book Blogger.

Ah, okay, not completely.

Maybe:  Book Self-Promotion. 

Whatever it is, it's just a symbol of my frustrations, uncovered by Josi Denise. She jumpstarted my mojo with her epic rant, which is required reading (although she keeps breaking the internet). Which is ironic, because the bottom line is the internet has done a mad disservice to writers, just starting with the fact that it has christened everyone with a keyboard AS a writer.

(And if you're not a writer, you probably don't give a shit.)

Add to that hot mess, a promotional machine -- you pick the subset: From mommy blogs, to books, to reviews of basically anything, all simply caught up in the advertising's supremely smart business model of getting the most bang for the least amount of money. Hello, Yelp.

And where you are in the process, determines how you feel (or don't) about it--or the fact that journalistic objectivity can't live there.

Before I launched Settling Down, book bloggers were shouted out as the saviors of the self-publishing set. The yellow brick path to finding readers. Along with reviews. Because:  "You need reviews. Plenty of them. Amazon will only start taking you seriously at 50 reviews."

Now how hard could that possibly be? I mean, I had twice as many people at my wedding. So I researched the hell out of it. Made rounds of blogger lists. Sent out my very professional (and well written) media kit. And, outside of this gem from the generous folks at Chick Lit Central, crickets.

Please don't think I'm picking on the book bloggers of the world. I understand for many dedicated souls, this is strictly a passion project. And there's only so much time to read in our busy lives. Never mind post, design and promote for free. You lovelies who got into the business to share your love of book, and ferret out the reads that no one knows about--much appreciation.

I guess, I'm actually calling out the publishing industry, maybe for nothing else other than your marketing brilliance. You've taken this seemingly indy blogging platform, put your cash-ola into the rock stars, but yet made it continue to look like everyone is rolling independently.

But in actuality, everyone is reading the same book.

At the same time.

Author or not, that bores the hell out of me.

Whatever. I get it. You gotta do you. And you should do you. And the rest of us have to do us. While at the same time remembering what makes us, us in the first place.

And that's where I went completely off the rails.

My epic fail? During my non-stop squealing of: 'Please give me a review. Any review. Amazon says I need reviews. I NEED A REVIEW!!!! GIMMMMMMMMMEEEEEE REVIEW!', like some sort of addict josin' for a fix, I lost myself. Worse, instead of looking objectively at my overall accomplishments, I started to judge my entire reason for existing on this planet based on my perceived failures of not getting a review.

Yeah. Don't go there.

But even bigger than that, I started to disregard the very fact that I'm a writer damn it, and the incredible power that wields all by itself. The one thing always at my disposal ARE my words. Yet, instead of using MY words, I banked my success on continuing to beg and beg and beg complete strangers for validation with theirs.

No mas. 'Cause, I'm not some sort of needy bitch who needs your love.

I am a survivor. A thriver. A do-er. A WRITER! (See above.)

The irony of this whole situation? Not only do I vehemently not believe in book reviews, but I've never written one, outside of my Trixie Belden shoutout for Goodreads. I know, right? To me, reviews are like that dress that looks fantastic on you, but is five inches too short for me. Books, like skirts, all comes down to individual tastes. And style. And how much leg you wanna show in the first place.

So how do I pick my reads? Simple. By cracking open the spine (virtual or otherwise) and start reading. Foolproof? Nope. But it definitely gives you an idea for someone's writing style. And storytelling ability. And how their words affect you. 

And as a writer, isn't that the only marketing you ever really need?

Finding Your Voice

Fear has the ability to silence your voice.

Forever.

Dramatic? Indeed. But when you're afraid to speak up, especially when there are consequences for having a opinion that's not popular or expected or how you're supposed to act, it's way easier to be quiet.

To become invisible.

To take yourself to a place where no one notices you. Because there's a certain safety, and anonymity in this silence. When you put yourself on mute, there's no incoming harsh judgements. Because there's absolutely nothing to judge.

You are living an empty existence.

You become invisible. You go inward, not upward. You are afraid to really be you.

Hopefully, your voice is so strong that it cannot be silenced. And eventually, you'll work hard to become stronger. And get to a place where you're able to beat those other voices back. The ones that have the audacity to say you're not good enough. The ones that say why can't you be more like me. The ones that are weak. And judge. And compare themselves. And are threatened because they can't be more like you.

Hopefully, your voice can rise out of the quiet, and boldly go against the grain. And you can find the courage to speak your truth out loud. To embrace all of your wonderful, beautifully divine traits and gifts that are characteristics of you and only you. To figure out what YOU believe in. Then stand up for it. To figure out how to say no thank you to the things that don't fit your personal life mantra, embrace the things that do, and never, ever, have the need to apologize.

That's what being a Write On Grrrl is all about. 

It's about living a life of empowerment. It's about embracing love and showing fear the door. It's about Girl Power (em)powered by the pen.

Sometimes it takes a while to find your voice. 

But a there's absolutely no storytelling without one.

Role Play

For two years, this has been the view from my office chair:

My husband Andre shelled out ten bucks to a Washington Square Park street vendor in New York City, on a sweltering June day, to buy this 1950's tin goddess. Once home, I gleefully hung her directly over my desk. 

This became my motto.

Not because I'm a bitch, but because, drum roll please, I'm not.

Of course, at times I can be bitchy (usually when I'm hungry or tired). Or impatient (usually when I'm crafting a wreath out of dollar store ornaments at 4:30am). But I can also be thoughtful, generous and just plain silly. Truth is, my personality runs the gamut in the calm, controlled way of a well-adjusted, usually happy, always self-reflective person, living a full, beautiful life.

 The slickness of my wise, all-knowing, retro muse, with full-on red lips and nails to make her naturally more authoritative, is that she's not actually commenting about bitchiness at all. Nope. To fully understand this chick, sort of like her owner, you've got to look beyond the obvious first layer, to uncover a message that goes a whole lot deeper. 

To me, as she rests casually, elbow on knee, bangles a-dangling, my girl is issuing a warning about the danger of perceptions, or more accurately, misperceptions. Her message? A plea to carefully consider the movies of our lives, examine the roles given to each member of our supporting cast, then ask if theirs is a honest, accurate and up-to-date depiction. 

And rest assured. If you haven't auditioned for the part, you should never accept it.